Jennifer Blaire as Animala in THE LOST SKELETON OF CADAVRA

THE BIGGEST QUESTION OF ALL

The big question now hanging over the Obama presidency is pretty obvious to everyone at this point: has he seen THE LOST SKELETON OF CADAVRA or hasn’t he?

Reports vary. One unidentified source very close to the president, but not so close he’d step on him if there was a fire, says the president has not viewed the whole movie, but only “select key frames, deemed superimportant” and not in the usual manner, but rather by “holding the film up to a candlelight, the way Lincoln would have watched a movie.” Another source, asking to remain unanimous, says the highest office holder keeps trying to watch “that stupid film”, but Biden keeps interrupting to show old tapes of the Watergate hearings. Still another says he watches it repeatedly with the sound down, while vacuuming, for “…the sheer comfort of knowing it’s there.”

Personally, I don’t believe any of these. If the president of the highest land in the office had time for such jocular, frivolous jocularity as a retro scifi spoof, he would no doubt watch something like MONSTERS VS. ALIENS.  Or AUSTRALIA.

Oh, it’s not that TLSoC isn’t all famous and stuff. It is kind of famous. There are famous things about it. The movie’s fame is famous—that’s cool. In fact, the fact that the little film is so well known, for such a little film, is one of the best known things about it.

I also give the film points for neatness. The clothing worn in the movie was exceptionally clean, almost to the point of absurdity. In fact, it has a cleanliness that I’d call borderline offensive. It has in fact, to this point, kept a number of people from seeing the film. I hope that, given time, they can overcome their resistance to apparel that screams “I’m ridiculously without dirt! I’m ridiculously without dirt!” over and over and over until a person can barely stand it anymore, until throwing up is the only appealing option.

I can only hope.

And as the president might say, “That’s superimportant.”

Larry Blamire